His eyes were teary while watching a documentary film about the "Twilight Zone" on Discovery Channel that night when I picked up my kids from the day’s work. I pretended not seeing him wipe those tears away.
The many stories about his struggles and endurance against lots of incredible odds came to me like a flash of light. That caused strange shivers down my spines.
* * *
The "awakening" of his struggle to be himself came quick early in his childhood. When he was prepared enough to leave his isolated and destitute homeland, he and his older brother crossed the heavily mined DMZ or the 38th parallel, leaving their ‘abonnim’ (father), ‘omonnim’ (mother), and ‘dong-saeng-deul’ (siblings) behind. That wasn’t easy for them. They were separated for several years and both lived difficult lives in this new found "home." He then served the South Korean Military for three years.
In 1989, hopes fueled in his heart when he learned that dozens of relatives from the North, who have had no communication since the war, were allowed to cross the border for four-day reunions. He hoped to see and to hug his parents and siblings, and so he formally dressed up ~~~ choosing his best set of suit in the closet. Along with his wife and three kids, he went to Seoul to check all the lists of names of those who were able to come. Thinking that he had overlooked any familiar names, I heard that he checked each list once…then twice…then… his eldest son held him tightly and told him that they should just leave the place and try next time. He returned home ~~ shattered ~~ with his heart ripped apart. I heard that he didn’t come out of his room ’til the next morning.
Two years ago, at 78, his older brother passed away. I saw that same sadness in his eyes. He hoped that his ‘family’ was there to see how both of them have made it through all those struggles and hardships. On one family gathering, I overheard him saying that he had lost his hopes of seeing his family again. And the worst thing he uttered… accepting that they had all finally reached their fate in a both maximally notorious and practically invisible nation.
My father-in-law is turning 79 next year. He had already fulfilled his dreams for his family. He has three loving children ~~ Jung-Hee, Ki-Sung and my husband… Mun-Seong. His children were his strength and hopes in living his life meaningfully. And his two great grandchildren ~~ Woojin and Yuna ~~~ continuously make him smile even on a weary day. And my mother-in-law…who is always there…through thick and thin…are all his wealth to keep when he leaves this world of chaos and forgetting all his memories from that place we think about …. without ever quite visualizing.
I really don’t know how it is like living in a country ruled by terror, violence, and propaganda, in thrall to a fascist cult of personality surrounding his former "Dear Leader" Kim Il-Sung. I don’t know what it is like living in the most empty streets and deserted museums and even at crowded stadium events, as joyless as they are strange. My father-in-law does.This may sound dramatic to you but not to the Korean people. And I just hope, that when that "time" comes, he has already found peace in his heart .
I was teary-eyed after reading this post richelle. it always gives me a serious,sensitive thought everytime i read articles about the North Korea. At the same time i didn’t realize that your father-in-law originated from that country.
May 22, 2007 @ 10:33 ami can feel his long struggle and loneliness for his homeland and family…i had read a lot of true to life stories about the Japanese Nationals who were abducted and were taken to Korea, there are a huge number of them Richelle, taken away from home at their earlier teen years and some of them I think 6 Japs. have been returned to come home in 2002 after 27 years in exchange for millions of yen and food supplies…I swear all their stories were really unbearable and each of them shared all their experiences living in a communist country, some of them printed it on books and was made to documentaries and tv dramas….i hate thinking about that place richelle..it just makes me sad knowing that there are a lot of fellow mankind suffering with just being the fact that they were born in N. Korea and were not having the freedom like we all enjoy… I am sure your Father-in-law knows that everything happens for a reason..he had lived his life worthly and are now blessed with the feeling of enjoying old age with his grandchildren. i pray for him and all the innocent fellow-mankind in N. Korea….Bless you Richelle for sharing this to us..it makes me realize once again that we are all still very lucky because we live in a free country
thanks for sharing your father-in-law’s story with us, richelle; i found it very interesting, even if it is sad. i am sorry that he still hasn’t seen his parents after all these years:( i can only imagine how painful that must be. i miss my parents, too, every day, but at least i get to e-mail them and see them online, and call them up when i want to. but not ever hearing from them or seeing them would drive me mad, i think:( i remember leaving the philippines in 2000; i was all by myself when they dropped me off at the airport in manila. everyone tried hard not to cry, although some tears fell as i finally pulled myself away from my mom’s embrace and ran after my luggage which was already being carted to the first checkpoint. i did not know that i would not see them again until almost 6 years later due to my ex-husband who did not even help me go home to see them:( but at least, i was finally reunited with my mom and dad last year … and it was a great feeling. i think it is so unfair that your father-in-law hasn’t gotten the chance to see his family from the north all these years:( but then again, i agree with what menchu said- everything happens for a reason … no matter how painful things may seem sometimes. i think sometimes we are put through trials so that we may learn patience and courage … or so that others may learn from our bravery and strong spirit. i am glad that your father-in-law is blessed with loving children and grandchildren … as well as a caring daughter-in-law who has the heart and talent to share his story:) thanks for another good one, richelle!!
May 27, 2007 @ 12:45 amThanks, Mench…thanks MJ… i thought of sharing this ever since. it just came suddenly. well, my father-in-law is doing great. he abruptly got older, though, after his car accident in 2001. he’s a very busy man ~~ hiking every morning, playing with my daughter Yu-Na, gardening and doing all sorts of errands from my mom-in-law. we all love him!
May 28, 2007 @ 10:04 amGlad to hear your father-in-law’s doing great, richelle! sorry to hear about the car accident though:( wow, he’s really a survivor, isn’t he? he sorta reminds me of my dad (you said he goes hiking every morning) … my dad likes to jog every morning, even if he is in his late 50s now, and he has 3 eye conditions which rob him of his vision more and more each day (it just breaks my heart, richelle!). even so, he still gets out there when it’s still dark and runs and jogs all throughout the university campus where they live, in cavite. i miss him a lot and i feel bad he is gradually going blind:( your father-in-law is lucky to have a granddaughter to spend his time with during the day. i do know that older folks like this … spending time with the very young generation; it amuses them:) maybe i should hurry up and get my parents here then have babies so that they can have grandkids to bring them happiness too?:) have a great weekend, pal!!!
June 1, 2007 @ 7:46 pmWhat a sad story. I can only begin to imagine how painful it must be to be separated from your family and not knowing if you will ever see them again. God bless your father-in-law Richelle. May he continue to draw strength from his loving family around him and may you all be a constant source of happiness and peace to him.
June 9, 2007 @ 5:33 pmThanks for dropping by Gina. I am always teary whenever I think of my father-in-law’s condition. Now he’s got older, all of us always hope he gets the best things in life. By the way, we all went out today…had dinner… and we had a little picnic by the lake. It was fun with my two kids around ~~ prancing and dancing in front of us. This weekend is a real BLAST!
June 10, 2007 @ 8:40 amThis is very sad indeed. By the way Richelle, were they ever allowed to communicate to family and relatives in NK by means of letters or phone calls? It must really be so hard and painful on both sides of the family. I cannot imagine myself in that situation. May God continue to bless your father-in-law with good heatlh and happiness.
June 14, 2007 @ 12:46 pmThey can’t, Annette. Whoever wants to see a member of his family should go to a place somewhere in China where there are spies who can help them. The family member from NK should cross the river separating China and North Korea and meet their relatives from the South “secretly.” They usually cross the river right after midnight. Very haunting, right?
June 15, 2007 @ 1:04 pmit will scare the hell out of me, richelle! i can see these things happening only in a spy-thriller movie but sad to realize that it also happens in real life.
June 15, 2007 @ 4:40 pm